- Creating healthy relationships : To maintain a healthy relationship, it is essential to bring two independent people together in a collaborative, interdependent manner, much like a choreographed ballet. Relationships must be actively worked on; they do not just happen spontaneously.
- The reality of relationships : Most relationships are codependent and this often leads to failure because they are based on two individuals trying to fill voids within each other. Independence in relationships is good, but interdependence is ideal for long-term commitment like marriage.
- Understanding relationship dynamics : It's crucial to understand the dynamics of relationships including attraction, love, sex, and the balance of masculinity and femininity. Without this knowledge, sustaining a relationship is as difficult and complex as aerospace engineering is for space travel.
- Three types of relationships : Relationships are categorized into codependent (unhealthy), independent (better but lacks cooperation), and interdependent (ideal, where there is synergy and mutual growth).
- Codependency pitfalls : A codependent relationship is often needy, leading to emotional tension and failure. It is typified by a reliance on the other person to feel complete and is portrayed inaccurately in popular culture as the way love works.
- Interdependence as the goal : To foster an interdependent relationship, both partners must be happy on their own and work together in a non-needy way. This involves cooperation, mutual growth, and a synergistic effort that enhances both individuals' lives.
- Working on oneself : The key to a healthy and interdependent relationship is personal growth. One must be happy when alone, develop a fulfilling life, and continuously improve in order to uphold a successful partnership.
- Abundance mindset : Ensuring that you do not depend solely on one person for love and happiness is crucial. Abundance, both sexually and socially, creates a healthy dynamic where neediness and clinginess do not push the other person away.
- Happiness alone : As part of self-improvement, creating a life where one is content and happy in solitude is fundamental. Without this, a person is more likely to enter a relationship out of desperation rather than genuine connection.
- Attraction based on psychological similarity: You attract individuals who are on the same psychological level as you, meaning personal neuroses, fears, and anxieties will likely bring someone with similar or complementary issues, resulting in a dysfunctional relationship.
- Necessity of self-improvement : To find an 'awesome' partner, one must work on becoming awesome themselves. Continual personal development, particularly on emotional triggers and deep issues, is essential for creating a stable and fulfilling relationship.
- Risk of spending too much time together : Indicative of codependency, being inseparable can lead to irritation and boredom. It is healthy to maintain individual interests and purposes outside of the relationship to keep the spark alive.
- Foundational role of honesty : Healthy relationships are built on truth and openness. Disclosing past mistakes early establishes a strong foundation, while dishonesty breeds mistrust and will likely cause long-term damage.
- Giving over receiving : An interdependent relationship focuses on the joy of giving rather than on what one can receive. This approach naturally leads to mutual trust and creates a synergistic bond between partners.
- Self-development for relationship success : Engaging in self-improvement, especially with resources from actualized.org, is critical for building healthy, interdependent relationships and avoiding co-dependent ones.