- Substance abuse : If a partner is addicted to alcohol, drugs, or smoking, the relationship is likely to fail due to the associated problems that come with substance dependence.
- Borrowing money : If your partner frequently asks to borrow money, especially under high-pressure situations or emergencies, it's a significant red flag indicating financial irresponsibility and disrespect.
- History of cheating, stealing, or arrests : A past that includes cheating, stealing, swindling, or jail time often reflects a lack of character and integrity, suggesting that the person is unlikely to reform and could bring trouble into the relationship.
- Running a shady business : Engagement in borderline or outright illegal business practices points to a lack of integrity, which will likely spill over into personal relationships.
- History of short relationships : A series of brief relationships may indicate an inability to maintain long-term connections, while evasiveness about such history suggests they may be hiding damaging information.
- Evasion in conversations : General evasiveness during discussions, whether about past relationships, business, or personal history, is a sign of dishonesty and indicates potential issues they are not willing to confront.
- Job instability : An inability to maintain steady employment reveals a lack of responsibility, dependability, and potential financial and personal problems that may affect the relationship.
- Losing friends or having none : A partner who is losing friends or has no friends might have underlying issues that cause others to distance themselves, and it's important to understand why.
- Expectation of money, gifts, or favors : If your partner often expects financial support, gifts, or favors, it may hint at a transactional and potentially imbalanced relationship.
- Transactional tendencies : A partner seeking quid pro quo arrangements, like exchanging gifts for favors, exhibits a transactional approach to the relationship, which is a significant warning sign.
- Chronic lateness and abandonment : Regular lateness or standing up a partner not only shows a lack of respect but also indicates irresponsibility.
- Flakiness and forgetfulness : Regular forgetfulness or disregarding schedules reflect deeper character flaws and unreliability, which undermine the trust and dependability needed for a successful long-term relationship.
- Jealousy and possessiveness : Partners exhibiting controlling behavior and insecurity through excessive scrutiny of your social interactions possess deep-seated insecurities that must be addressed for a healthy relationship.
- Clinginess and constant availability : A partner who is always on call and excessively responsive lacks independence and personal life, suggesting insecurity and potential for an unhealthy codependent relationship.
- Excessive need to see the partner : When a partner insists on frequent contact or expresses upset when it's not met, it may indicate clinginess and a problematic lack of an independent life outside the relationship.
- Neglect due to busy lifestyle : Partners who seldom make time to meet, citing an overly busy life, devalue the relationship and show a reluctance to invest in solving inevitable relationship problems.
- Refusal to grow communication skills : Partners who oppose improving communication lack the willingness to address relationship issues, leading to unresolved problems and ultimately toxic, dysfunctional relationships.
- Unwillingness to learn about relationships : Not engaging in activities to better understand relationship dynamics, such as reading or seminars, is an alarming sign of a partner's disinterest in maintaining and improving the relationship.
- Dishonesty with others : Observing lies—even small or by omission—towards third parties suggests a partner's potential for duplicity within the relationship, indicating low integrity and manipulative tendencies.
- Perpetual emergencies : A partner who consistently faces emergencies shows a pattern of instability and an inability to manage their own life, leading to stress and potential reliance on you to fix their issues.
- Hypercritical and perfectionistic tendencies : If a partner is overly critical of everyone and everything, they may also harbor severe criticism towards you, damaging the relationship's foundation and future.
- Cutthroat business practices : A partner who exhibits ruthless behavior in business may eventually treat personal relationships in the same manner, prioritizing success over integrity and potentially harming the relationship.
- Narcissism and value on material success : Prioritizing money, power, and fame over relationships indicates a partner may not be content and could sacrifice the relationship for personal gains.
- Indifference to others' opinions : A partner who disregards others' feelings and opinions may lack the empathy and compassion necessary for a healthy relationship, hinting at narcissistic traits.
- Verbal abuse : Using foul language, name-calling, or yelling during conflicts is a sign of verbal abuse and indicates serious communication issues that can degrade the relationship.
- Short temper and snapping at others : An easily provoked partner who snaps at minor inconveniences is likely to eventually direct that anger towards you, leading to a volatile relationship dynamic.
- Destructive behavior during conflicts : A partner who exhibits violent reactions, such as breaking objects, during arguments presents a clear risk to your safety and the stability of the relationship.
- Threatening the relationship : If a partner uses the threat of leaving as a weapon during disagreements, it's a manipulative tactic that undermines the relationship's security and mutual respect.
- Blaming behavior : A partner who refuses to accept responsibility and blames you for all issues fails to contribute to a balanced and healthy partnership.
- Involvement with psychiatric medications : Being with someone heavily dependent on psychiatric medications may suggest unresolved mental health challenges and potential instability in the relationship.
- Long-distance relationships without plans : A long-term long-distance relationship with no plan to close the gap indicates a lack of commitment and could signify underlying insecurities or unwillingness to invest.
- Reluctance to commit exclusively : A partner's desire to see other people reflects a direct lack of commitment and a red flag for a serious and dedicated relationship.
- Lack of long-term plans in long-distance relationships : If a long-term, open-ended long-distance relationship exists without a plan to close the gap, it's considered a red flag signaling a lack of commitment.
- Desire to see other people : A partner expressing the desire to see other people is not fully committed and indicates that they are keeping their options open, which is a serious red flag for commitment levels in the relationship.
- Expecting a perfect partner : While no partner is perfect, it's reasonable to expect that they will be ethical, hold down a job, and be willing to work on communication and personal growth for the relationship to thrive.
- Growth-oriented vs. combative response to flaws : Potential for a healthy relationship exists when a partner recognizes their flaws and shows a willingness to improve. Conversely, a defensive or aggressive reaction to feedback about flaws is a significant red flag.
- Cutting off a partner with unchecked red flags : When red flags are present and unaddressed, the best course of action may be to cut that person out of your life to avoid prolonged unhappiness, energy drain, and potential abuse or financial loss.
- Fear of leaving due to lack of options : The trepidation of ending a relationship may stem from fearing a lack of alternatives, implying a need to create more sexual and romantic options to alleviate clinginess and insecurity.
- Self-awareness exercise with sentence completions : To gain awareness of relationship dynamics, Leo recommends an exercise where you quickly respond to sentence stems like "If I were totally honest, my partner's red flags are _____," to tap into subconscious wisdom without overthinking.
- 20 ways to create more options : Brainstorming various methods to enhance personal attractiveness and increase exposure to potential partners can reduce dependency on a current dysfunctional relationship.
- Taking the first step to address a toxic relationship : Before ending a relationship, it's worth discussing concerns with the partner to gauge their willingness to work on communication and relationship skills, which may salvage the relationship if they are receptive.