How To Get Laid - Part 1 - The Foundations Of Success With Women

"Whether you believe you can or not, you're right." - Henry Ford

• Introduction to the series "How To Get Laid - Part 1" : Leo introduces a practical, multi-part series designed to help men who are inexperienced, shy, socially awkward, or deeply introverted with women. He emphasizes the need for deep changes to oneself and one's lifestyle to become more attractive rather than relying on quick fixes.
• Leo's Personal Background in Dating : Sharing his introverted nature and focus on education and career early in life, Leo reveals that later he pursued dating seriously, immersing himself in pickup artistry, and learning from experts. He stresses that his personal transformation was critical to his success.
• Foundational Distinctions in Attraction : Leo clarifies that the guide he provides is tailored for heterosexual men, based on his experiences and personal journey from being in a position of struggle to having considerable success with women.
• Sexual Frustration and Lifestyle Change : Highlighting the challenges faced by men in their 20s and 30s to fulfill their sexual needs, Leo emphasizes that a significant lifestyle change is required to address these frustrations and avoid falling into toxic ideologies.
• Addressing Social Skill Atrophy : Leo points out the negative consequences of the internet age, which has led to the atrophy of social skills, underlining the societal and personal issues that arise when men lack guidance on how to attract women responsibly.
• Healthy Approach to Fulfilling Sexual Needs : Leo argues for providing men with responsible and ethical guidance on attracting women to foster better individual relationships and societal health, counteracting the risk of negative behaviors such as abuse or radical ideologies.
• Importance of Inner Development for Attraction : Advocating for self-improvement and internal change, Leo conveys that becoming attractive is more about inner development—like social skills and understanding psychology—than simply possessing external success factors or fame.
• Significance of addressing sexual needs : Leo insists that there is no neutral stance for men regarding the pursuit of sex; they will seek it either healthily or unhealthily. Ignoring this need is not realistic and can be harmful.
• Methods of getting laid : He enumerates six primary methods: cold approach, social circle, work, celebrity/status, online game, and using money (such as prostitution), emphasizing that the options for how to get laid are relatively few.
• Cold approach advantages : Cold approach is praised for its versatility, abundance of opportunities, and effectiveness across different global settings. The key is living in a large city and the willingness to practice and fail numerous times.
• Social circle approach : Leo notes that most people use their social networks to find sexual partners but highlights the high maintenance and the potential loss of the network when relocating as drawbacks. It can be especially effective for attracting "nines and tens" due to the social value provided by being the leader of the circle.
• Downsides of the social circle approach : Social circle requires active upkeep and is geographically limited. To maintain an effective social circle with abundant and high-quality options, significant effort and commitment are needed.
• Workplace dating : This method can provide opportunities depending on the job environment but is typically risky, limited, and unsuitable for certain professions, which makes switching careers for this purpose impractical.
• Celebrity and status : This strategy is effective if attainable but is usually beyond the reach for most individuals and does not offer a viable solution for the average person seeking to improve their dating life.
• Online game limitations : Online dating is critiqued for prioritizing physical attractiveness more heavily than other traits, making it less effective for those who do not meet the top standards of conventional beauty.
• Utilizing money for sex : Using financial leverage to attract partners rarely leads to meaningful relationships, as it circumvents genuine attraction and intimacy. This method is discouraged by Leo due to its failure to foster authentic connection.
• Pursuit of genuine attraction : Leo underscores the importance of genuine personal development over manipulative tactics, suggesting true attraction comes from self-improvement and authentically offering value as a partner.
• Cold approach challenges : The approach is notably difficult due to the steep emotional learning curve which can be too challenging for many men, requiring resilience and dedication to improve.
• Maintenance and dedication required for social circles : Building an attractive and large social circle involves significant energy and effort, as well as the risk of losing it all due to geographical changes.
• Social dynamics in attracting highly attractive women : The most attractive women often receive benefits from high-status men, making cold approaches less effective. Attracting such women typically requires offering significant social value or status.
• Exploring alternative strategies for introverted individuals : Leo advises introverts and others who are not inclined towards maintaining large social circles to consider direct approaches or moving to environments conducive to dating success.
• Risks of Workplace Dating : Workplace romance poses risks such as abuse of power, especially in the context of the #MeToo movement. Leo Gura cautions against hitting on employees or clients as it can lead to ethical issues, awkwardness, and complications if the relationship sours.
• Status and Celebrity for Attraction : According to Leo, the most effective way to attract partners is through status and celebrity. However, this is off-limits for most because achieving significant fame and status is rare. Leo shares that his own moderate fame does not significantly aid his dating life and advises against relying on celebrity unless one plans to spend years building it.
• Ethics and Integrity in Leveraging Fame : Leo stresses the importance of not abusing celebrity status or power in dating. He is wary of mixing work with personal romance to avoid ethical dilemmas, particularly given his role as a teacher of spirituality and higher consciousness.
• Limitations of Online Dating : Leo criticizes online dating, claiming that it mainly benefits conventionally attractive people and compares it to a pyramid scheme. He argues that unless one is in the top 20% of attractiveness, online dating can be frustrating and generally not effective for finding high-quality partners.
• Financial Means as a Dating Strategy : Leo discusses using money to attract partners, denouncing it as a poor strategy that does not lead to genuine intimacy or love. He suggests avoiding reliance on wealth, prostitution, or similar methods to get laid, as it misses the deeper elements of a true romantic connection.
• Necessity of Personal Transformation : Leo emphasizes transforming oneself into a genuinely attractive individual rather than resorting to gimmicks or manipulation. Genuine attraction comes from personal development, which aligns with Leo's broader teachings on growth and consciousness.
• Misconceptions About Pickup : Leo aims to dispel the mainstream misconceptions of pickup as creepy or manipulative, asserting that real creepiness stems from a lack of social skills and experience. He plans to focus on building genuine attraction and teaching men to be high-quality partners for women.
• Distinction Between Genuine Attraction and Gimmicks : Leo criticizes the use of pickup lines and shallow tactics. He advocates for teaching men to become authentically attractive through personal development rather than relying on gimmicks, which benefits both men and women in the dating process.
• Combining Alpha Traits with Provider Qualities : Leo Gura focuses on combining the sexual charisma of the "alpha player" stereotype with the solid qualities of a provider—an emotionally mature and stable individual capable of commitment and creating intimacy, to create the ideal man that is not only attractive but also capable of sustaining healthy relationships.
• Development of Masculine Traits and Personal Growth : He emphasizes the importance of men developing their masculinity, sense of humor, social skills, career, financial stability, emotional mastery, spirituality, and awakening through personal development and self-actualization.
• Importance of Balanced Male Strength : Leo disputes toxic masculinity, illustrating that true strength in a man includes deep love, commitment, intimacy, and a devotion to spiritual growth, creating a balanced definition of what it means to be a strong male in modern society.
• Foundation of Relationships : Leo explains that for men, the foundation of a deep and long-term relationship is an ability to first attract and maintain the interest of a woman, which involves overcoming insecurities and establishing genuine attraction.
• Addressing Women's Perspectives on Relationships : He describes the challenge women face in finding a partner who both physically arouses and emotionally stimulates them while also offering commitment and stability, advocating for the creation of men who can fulfill both roles.
• Reasons Men Are Not Getting Laid : Leo lists top reasons why men struggle with getting laid:
• Being Social as the Foundation of Game : Leo stresses that increasing the number of new attractive women one meets is foundational to improving dating life, urging a lifestyle change to be more social and engage in regular face-to-face interactions.
• Victim Mindset in Dating : He challenges the victim mindset, explaining that so long as it exists, no techniques will be helpful. It's essential to confront and change this mentality to improve one’s dating life.
• Approaching Women Proactively : Leo insists that men must be proactive and take responsibility for their dating life to attain the abundance and quality of relationships they desire, reiterating the need for socialization and understanding of attraction theory.
• Challenges within dating interactions : Even after a woman agrees to date a man, various behaviors can jeopardize the relationship. These include poor text messaging, neediness, improper date planning, and using off-color sexual humor. Women might give various excuses or tests that require experience to navigate successfully.
• Reframing the goal of dating : Rather than focusing on how to get laid, men should aim to become strong and attractive individuals, striving for deep intimacy and love. The journey towards genuine love may include casual relationships as a part of maturing, but the ultimate goal should be deeper, meaningful connections.
• Inner game and limitations : Men often suffer from low self-esteem, self-doubt, and a lack of belief in their own value, which hinders their success with women. They carry misconceptions influenced by toxic ideologies like incel, red pill, or black pill, which perpetuate false ideas about what women want. Overcoming these limiting beliefs is crucial.
• Entitlement to attract desirable women : A key issue in dating for men is the lack of belief that they deserve attractive women. Believing that attractive women have more worth can prevent men from attracting or retaining them. Confidence and a sense of entitlement are necessary for success.
• Inaction rooted in fear : Men frequently make excuses to avoid improving their dating life due to fear or analysis paralysis. Taking serious action is essential to see improvements in attracting women.
• Understanding attraction asymmetry : Men are often visually stimulated and desire physical beauty, leading to the assumption that women also prioritize physical appearance. However, women value characteristics such as leadership, confidence, strength, and assertiveness. This asymmetry stems from evolutionary survival needs.
• Masculine and feminine roles in dating : Evolution has differentiated the masculine and feminine roles. Men are stereotypically seen as providers and protectors, while women are caretakers. Men seek beauty and femininity, while women look for survival traits like leadership.
• Men improving attractiveness : It is easier for men to develop attractive traits such as leadership and confidence than it is to alter physical appearance. Women are more likely to prioritize these survival traits over purely physical attributes.
• Limits of physical appearance : The emphasis on physical features like height or facial structure as barriers to attractiveness is flawed. While men can work on enhancing desirable characteristics, women may not have an 'easy solution' to becoming more attractive if they don't meet societal beauty standards.
• Effectiveness of pickup for men : Pickup strategies work for men because it helps them develop desirable qualities that align with what women find attractive; they do not work similarly for women, as physical attractiveness is harder to change.
• Overcoming self-defeating beliefs : Limiting beliefs, such as not being attractive enough due to physical traits, need to be addressed. Men can become attractive by developing qualities linked to masculine energy and strength that are compelling to women.
• Symptoms of inner game problems : Men's dating struggles often stem from their own inner game issues, including the beliefs that they need to change their physical appearance or behave inauthentically to attract women. These inner obstacles must be conquered to improve dating prospects.
• Misconceptions about Simplicity of Attraction : Leo challenges the belief that simple physical traits determine attraction, like symmetry or muscle size from scientific studies. He explains that real-world attraction includes factors like charisma, leadership, flirting, humor, and how few choices women actually have, which scientific settings can't replicate.
• Importance of Face-to-Face Interaction : Leo notes the value of face-to-face interaction which allows one to display charisma, humor, and other traits that photographs cannot convey. He emphasizes that these interactions are where real attraction occurs and how women often have limited mate choices.
• Overcoming Stereotypes about Attraction : Leo debunks the stereotype that only ‘alpha’ or ‘Chad’ men are desirable, explaining that women are attracted to a variety of men and stressing the importance of finding the ones who are attracted to your type.
• Shifting the Focus from Physical to Emotional Attraction : Leo argues that humor, leadership, and confidence attract women more than physical traits like big muscles or genital size. He points out women are emotional beings, valuing the feelings a man can provide over his physical attributes.
• Attracting Women without Financial Wealth : Refuting the belief that riches are necessary to attract women, Leo encourages men to see firsthand how women can be attracted without knowing their net worth. He also shares anecdotes of his friends who successfully attract women while presenting themselves as having humble jobs or being financially disadvantaged.
• Improving Dating Skills as a Nerd, Geek, or Introvert : Leo argues that introverted, geeky, or nerdy men can transform themselves into charming, humorous, and charismatic individuals with practice and persistence. He emphasizes this is achievable despite preconceived notions of social capability.
• Validity of Pickup Strategies : Leo assures his audience that pickup is not a scam, narrating his own experiences and those of others who have had success without being professional dating coaches, thus arguing against the idea that pickup techniques are inherently deceitful or ineffective.
• Pickup Misconceptions and Effectiveness : Leo clarifies that pickup is a legitimate practice, not a scam, that can yield success in attracting women, which can be seen by observing others 'gaming' and succeeding. He also addresses the concept of it being a 'numbers game', acknowledging that while numbers are a factor, skill significantly influences outcomes.
• The Significance of Skill in Pickup : Leo emphasizes that skill in flirting, humor, and confidence plays a crucial role in pickup. Unlike someone inexperienced, a skilled individual can achieve a higher 'hooking' rate with women, showing that success is not solely due to chance.
• Misconception about Attractiveness and Pickup : Disputing fears that only "fat, ugly girls" can be attracted through pickup, Leo explains that even highly desirable women can be attracted and cites personal experiences with such success. While attractiveness may make the process more challenging, it is still achievable.
• Male vs. Female Attraction Needs : Leo discusses the asymmetry of attraction needs, explaining that women's need for commitment from quality men complicates their dating scenario. Despite the belief that women can easily get sex, he highlights their pursuit of safety and enduring relationships, which are fraught with risks like abuse and pregnancy.
• Advantages Men Have in Attracting Women : Contrary to some beliefs, Leo argues that men can improve their attractiveness more substantially than women through personal development. While women might use cosmetics, men's ability to work on their charisma and social skills offers a significant edge.
• Overcoming Genetics and Personal Weakness : Interpreting his own life challenges, Leo observes that people are born with different genetics and aptitudes, suggesting those less inclined to socializing may need to work harder to improve that aspect, although it may never become their greatest strength.
• Misconceptions Around Feminism and MeToo : Leo refutes the blame put upon feminism and the MeToo movement for men's dating difficulties. Instead, he insists the real barrier is the lack of effort in developing oneself into a strong man and interacting with women ethically and socially calibrated.
• Broadening the View on Life and Personal Strengths : Expanding on individual differences, Leo advises recognizing one's entire life circumstances rather than just focusing on one's weaknesses or strengths. He encourages viewing the totality of a person's life, not just their natural aptitude for socializing.
• Misconceptions about wealth and attraction : Leo dispels the myth that personal success and wealth alone can secure dating success, explaining through personal tests that attributes like running a business or financial status often have less impact on women than expected.
• Limiting belief of scarcity of "good girls" : Leo tackles the limiting belief that there are few quality women available, suggesting that broadening one's social interactions proves there's an abundance of great potential partners.
• Pitfalls of giving up too soon : Leo addresses the issue of giving up on pickup methods due to early failures. He explains that the steep learning curve requires perseverance beyond a mere handful of approaches.
• Importance of location and commitment in dating : He acknowledges that location affects dating potential and advises those in lacking areas to consider relocating to places with better opportunities.
• When it's too late for cold approach : Age considerations for cold approach strategies are discussed, with Leo suggesting that this method may not be suitable for those over 50, but for younger individuals, it's not too late to start.
• Inner game versus physical looks : Emphasizing the impact of one's mindset, Leo argues that poor inner game—characterized by negativity and misunderstandings about women—hinders dating success more than physical appearance.
• Traits universally attractive to women : He lists traits such as masculine energy, strength, confidence, charisma, and the ability to take a woman on an emotional journey as universally attractive to women.
• Behaviors that repel women : Leo details behaviors that are unattractive to women, including neediness, explicit sexual vulgarity, trying too hard to impress, and lack of personal hygiene.
• What truly attracts women : The significance of authenticity, vulnerability, and building deep connections with women is highlighted. Leo also stresses the importance of social value, leadership, and decisiveness.
• Effects of social validation on attraction : He remarks on the subconscious influence that a man's social validation has on a woman's attraction, greatly determined by his reputation and how he's perceived within a social circle.
• Importance of strong eye contact and life purpose : Leo discusses the attraction women have towards strong eye contact and men who have a life purpose that is more important than the woman they're targeting.
• Detrimental impacts of attachment and excessive niceness : Explaining that women are repelled by men who showcase neediness, fear or insecurity, he suggests that these traits kill results with women more than any physical attribute.
• How to converse with women : Leo advises against overly logical or serious conversations, emphasizing the need for emotional, romantic interactions, and proactiveness in planning outings.
• Social calibration and avoiding creepiness : Leo concludes by discussing the significance of social grace in attraction, advocating for non-creepy, smooth interactions that make women feel comfortable and not awkward in the company of men.
• Social Calibration and Success in Dating : Leo explains that you don't need to be famous or exceptionally good-looking to be successful with women. Success largely comes from social proficiency and working on personal limitations. He shares that even with his modest fame, it’s not a significant factor in attracting women—the majority of his progress came before he was known.
• Importance of Inner Game and Personal Development : Leo stresses that his current charisma wasn't innate. It developed through significant effort, overcoming social anxiety, and improving his public speaking skills—many of which were honed through practicing game. This process included learning to genuinely smile and radiate happiness on cue.
• Five Steps to Succeed in Attracting Women : Leo advises a systematic approach to improve dating success: envisage attracting women, study attraction principles, engage in regular socialization, relentlessly question limiting beliefs to dismantle them, and be persistent until the desired results are achieved.
• Contradicting Limiting Beliefs with Experience : He underlines how actual interaction with women will provide contradictory evidence against limiting beliefs such as the necessity of having wealth or extraordinary looks, emphasizing the importance of tenacity and the willingness to learn from social experiences.
• Commitment to Socializing and Changing Lifestyle : Leo's practical advice includes committing to chat with 30 new girls each week and going out three times per week to socialize, even if it means moving to a city with better social opportunities. This commitment extends beyond just interacting with women; it’s about becoming well-rounded in social skills.
• Staying Ethical and Avoiding Toxic Ideologies : Leo concludes with an ethical framework for the process of improving dating life, rejecting toxic ideologies, and treating women with respect, empathy, and integrity. He underscores the importance of following a principled approach and renouncing ideologies that devalue others.
• Media Consumption and Negative Effects : Leo warns against the toxic impact of excessive internet use, including forums, video games, social media, and binge-watching, which he believes hinders personal development and success with women.
• Misconceptions About Pickup : Leo clarifies his stance on pickup, affirming that while he stands by his past criticisms of certain toxic pickup community aspects, he supports socializing, approaching, and flirting with women when done ethically.
• Ethics in the Pickup Community : He condemns creating an ego or identity around being a pickup artist and is against manipulative, dishonest, and irresponsible behaviors. Leo advocates for an ethical approach to dating, emphasizing empathy, compassion, and integrity.
• Developing Attraction through Personal and Spiritual Growth : Leo suggests changing oneself into a likable person across all social interactions as the best way to attract women. This involves personal development, spiritual growth, and alignment with one's life purpose and passions.
• Foundation for Attraction Setup : Acknowledging the need for more than one part to cover all material, Leo promises to discuss practical outer game techniques in future videos but insists that inner game and mindset are the foundation for success.
• Importance of Inner Game in Attraction : Leo emphasizes that a person's beliefs and mindset, termed 'inner game,' are fundamental in constructing reality and crucial for establishing healthy relationships, a fulfilling sex life, and dating success.
• Limiting Beliefs and Self-Sabotage : He postulates that limiting beliefs and poor mental conditioning about oneself and women are significant obstacles to attracting partners—not one's physical appearance or external factors.
• Overcoming Mental Limitations through Pickup : Leo points out that engaging in pickup can be a profound way to confront and dismantle one's mental barriers, which can lead to improvements not just in dating but across various life aspects.