How To Get Laid - Part 3 - The Top Principles Of Game

"The dumber you act the easier it is to get laid."

• Fragmented nature of attraction : Attraction involves navigating deeply counter-intuitive realities about human behavior, particularly in the dynamics between men and women. It is often the unexpected behaviors, opposite to conventional wisdom, that create the strongest attraction.
• Misconceptions about attraction : Many men and women harbor misconceptions about what behaviors make the other person more attractive. It's a common belief that niceness, gifts, and compliments would increase attraction when often they have the reverse effect.
• Counter-intuitiveness in attraction : Leo points out that contrary to popular belief, displaying traditional "nice guy" characteristics often does not lead to attraction. In fact, behaviors that seem like players—teasing, being less available, showing higher value—can be more effective, although they are more challenging to accept and internalize.
• Attraction as value negotiation : Attraction boils down to a sort of negotiation game where genuine value far outweighs fake value. Leo advises that instead of faking value, one should strive for authentic, holistic self-improvement in various life aspects—financial flexibility, lifestyle, emotional health—to attract and keep high-quality partners.
• Paradoxical desires in women : Women are often attracted to players with high social value but also harbor a fantasy of being the one to "tame" such a player into commitment. Leo notes that while this is a tall order for most women, it is not impossible, especially for those bringing extraordinary value to the table.
• Strategies for "nice guys" : Leo suggests that nice guys can adopt player-like qualities to attract women more effectively while also building genuine long-term relationship value that can satisfy both partners.
• Counter-intuitive aspect of setting a relationship frame : Setting a "boyfriend" frame might lead to slower romantic development, whereas a "player" frame can actually accelerate intimacy.
• Fulfilling a woman's deepest fantasy : By embodying both the player and the genuine partner, a man can satisfy a woman's fantasy of both exciting attraction and deeper connection, leading to a fulfilling and self-actualized relationship.
• Simultaneous Development of Player and Provider Traits : Leo Gura explains that to be attractive, men must work hard to develop both the traits of the long-term relationship 'provider' and the short-term 'player'. Initially, men should present the 'player' frame to attract women and then shift to the 'provider' frame for a deeper connection, which requires up to four times the effort but is highly rewarding.
• Understanding Hook Point : Hook point is a pivotal moment in the interaction where a man can tell a woman is sexually attracted to him. It usually occurs within the first five minutes of conversation. If it does not happen within this time frame, the attraction is unlikely to develop.
• Key Indicators of Hook Point : Physical openers can instantly reveal if a woman is receptive. Signs of reaching hook point include her shifting attention towards you, allowing physical touch, showing genuine interest in getting to know you, asking personal questions, and following you if temporarily separated.
• Importance of Capitalizing on Hook Point : Once hook point is reached, a man can escalate the interaction more boldly with physical affection or invitations. If hook point is not achieved quickly, persisting in the interaction becomes a waste of time and an indicator of a lack of initial charismatic presentation.
• Physical Openers as Polarizing Tools : Physical openers help quickly identify women who are receptive to you. Focusing on those who show immediate interest and ignoring those who do not is vital for efficiency and effectiveness in attracting women.
• Developing Attraction Quickly : Leo stresses the ability to develop attraction within five minutes significantly outperforms any prolonged attempts over months, which often indicate a lack of attraction. A quick development of attraction signals charisma and proper self-presentation.
• Recognizing the 'Hook Point' in Attraction : Leo Gura advises recognizing when a woman is attracted to you, referred to as a 'hook point'. This typically happens within five minutes of initiating a conversation, and may be immediately recognizable in physical openers, where a woman is either receptive or rejects the contact.
• Physical Indicators of the Hook Point : Key indicators of a woman's attraction include a shift of her attention towards you, allowing you to touch her or hug her, genuine interest in you and your conversations, and physical proximity. A woman who allows you to touch her, return her attention to you even after distractions, or follows you around, suggests she is interested in you.
• Verbal Indicators of the Hook Point : Another sign of her attraction could be when she starts asking personal questions about you indication genuine curiosity, qualifies herself to you by talking about her good qualities, compliments you, laughs at your jokes, or becomes coquettish due to strong eye contact.
• Leading and Testing Compliance on the Hook Point : If a woman follows you willingly when you move to another spot nearby, it's a clear indication of her being attracted to you. This compliance strengthens with increased trust and attraction.
• Importance of Swift Action : Gura emphasizes the importance of initiating conversations confidently and endeavoring to attract her attention within the first five minutes to establish a potential romantic or sexual connection. Persistence beyond this time frame without establishing the 'hook point' usually results in wasted time and an eventual friend-zone set-up.
• Principle of Going Out : Game doesn't work if you're not actively going out and interacting with people. Theory is important but practical experience is paramount. No amount of studying will substitute for actual field experience. Spend more time learning from actual interactions and experiences.
• In-Field Learning Principle : Most aspects of the “game”, like approach tactics, suitable conversation starters, etc., are best learned through interactions rather than theoretical learning. The practical, empirical lessons from your experiences will shape your personal theories and principles about dating and attraction.
• Law of State Transference : The emotional state of the person leading the interaction, typically the man, can strongly influence the other participant's emotional state. If you feel awkward, nervous, or creepy, it will make the woman feel the same. Conversely, if you feel playful, flirty, and comfortable, it will make her feel the same. This is why being in a good state of mind when interacting with girls is crucial.
• Man-to-Woman Communication Principle : The frame of the conversation should be implicitly sexual, without explicitly sexual communication. The conversation should not feel like a business or friendly interaction but rather an intimate, teasing, and flirty back-and-forth. The way you look at her should reflect this sexual but playful frame of interaction.
• Raw Sexual Desire Principle : Let her feel your authentic sexual attraction towards her without sexually groping her. The raw energy needs to be channeled subtly, maintaining the boundary of being respectful. Talk to her in a manner that's focused on 'you' and 'her', creating intimate communication. The way you engage with her should be as if she's already your girlfriend. An open display of your attraction towards her is crucial to build a man-to-woman dynamic.
• Presenting your true self : Leo encourages authenticity by removing all acts and routines in your approach. He suggests that facing rejection as your genuine self can lead to growth, self-esteem, and eventually attracting someone who appreciates you for who you are.
• Being positive and adding value : Leo emphasizes the importance of bringing energy and positivity into interactions. If you join a group that's already high-energy, make sure to match or exceed their vibe, so you're seen as a value provider, enhancing attraction.
• Attraction as an emotional response : He quotes David DeAngelo, saying "attraction is not a choice," to illustrate that attraction is an emotional process rather than a logical decision for both men and women.
• Disarming logic to foster attraction : Leo advises that a man should focus on disrupting a woman's logical mindset and engage her emotionally, citing that women's sexual decisions are driven by emotional stimulation rather than logical reasoning.
• Three-second rule and thirty-second game principle : He explains that approaching a woman within three seconds of seeing her minimizes self-doubt and procrastination, while the thirty-second game forces continuous interactions throughout a night out.
• Context sensitivity and calibration in game : Leo details that game techniques must be highly contextual and socially calibrated, meaning that your words and actions need to be naturally aligned with the environment and situation.
• Congruence in game : Leo emphasizes the importance of natural and fitting interactions, warning against the use of lines and techniques that feel out of place or forced within the given social context.
• Calibrating night game in NYC : In New York City late at night, women may be particularly wary of men approaching them on the street. It's essential to be aware of their valid concerns and use disarming techniques that acknowledge the context and reassure them of your harmless intentions.
• Social calibration through experience : Just as AIs learn through iteration, practicing social interactions in various settings improves your 'neural network' for attraction, helping you better handle women's objections and comfort them, making them more likely to be receptive.
• Congruence in interaction : Ensure that the words you say match your current state and personality. A line that worked one night might not work another night if the context, your mood, and energy level are different. Congruency leads to better outcomes.
• Building state and momentum after rejection : Early rejections can relieve pressure and help you relax. The fear of rejection is usually worse than the experience. Use initial blowouts to build momentum and improve your social state.
• Importance of warm-up sets : The first few conversations of the night are for warming up—approach without judgment or high expectations to ease into a more sociable mindset and prepare for more engaging interactions later.
• Comfort in your own body : Relax your body posture to ease tension; it improves the flow of interaction. Being relaxed, like when you're at home, even in a loud environment like a club, is crucial for successful approaches.
• Clear your mind when approaching : Avoid overthinking or scripting your approach. Instead, empty your mind and trust your instincts and spontaneous reactions, which can lead to more natural and authentic interactions.
• Chill and friendly method vs. flash game : Effective game often looks simple and friendly rather than flashy and obnoxious. The best approaches have evident sexual intent conveyed through eye contact and tone rather than audacious words or actions.
• Approach techniques and reducing flashiness : Leo advises against unnecessary showiness and in-your-face tactics when attracting women. Being friendly, chill, and genuine tends to trigger fewer defensive reactions in both the woman and her peers.
• Avoiding supplication, chasing, and bragging : Leo emphasizes the importance of not being overly eager or boastful in interactions as it suggests a misunderstanding of attraction; attraction should feel natural, not forced. Expressing genuine wit and humor is more effective than boasting about logical achievements.
• Significance of language in attraction : The logical content of a man's words is far less important than how he says them. Emotional, playful, and humorous communication is more likely to generate attraction because it creates an enjoyable mood, while logical and boring talk can be off-putting.
• Being polarizing and the push-pull dynamic : Leo explains the importance of being genuine and polarizing rather than supplicating; some girls will not like this, and that's okay. Using push-pull, mixing compliments with playful teasing, builds tension and interest, making a woman pursue you to some degree.
• Physical escalation : Start with non-sexual touching and escalate quickly to test boundaries. Being naturally touchy with everyone in a friendly manner makes physical escalation with women you're attracted to feel more authentic.
• Leading and compliance tests : Leo suggests leading a woman by having her move with you early on and testing for compliance. If she follows, it indicates attraction and comfort; resistance may indicate insufficient attraction. Lead progressively to make her more comfortable following your lead.
• Err on the side of making moves : Leo advises to follow intuition rather than hesitate when considering actions like kissing or moving locations. Hesitating creates anxiety and may lead to missed opportunities. Acting with spontaneity often leads to better results.
• Understanding sexual escalation without being vulgar : Focusing on escalating emotionally rather than physically is key. Being genuine and playful can be much more effective and comfortable for both parties, leading to a stronger connection without overstepping boundaries.
• Principle of Taking Initiative : Leo Gura emphasizes the need to follow through on initial instincts during an interaction, such as inviting a girl for pizza after dancing. Hesitating and over-planning can sabotage progress, while acting on intuition and adapting in the moment can lead to better results.
• Screening and Standards : It's vital to have criteria and standards for whom to sleep with. Approaching with the mindset of sleeping with just anyone leads to poor outcomes. Instead, screen women based on desired traits before engaging further.
• Abundance Mindset : Having an abundance mindset prevents getting too attached to any specific person and reduces neediness. Believing in the availability of plenty of opportunities helps maintain confidence and move on quickly from rejections.
• Minimal Emotional Investment Until Intimacy : Leo recommends keeping emotional investment minimal until a woman reciprocates interest, especially through sex. Balancing investment is important, as excessive emotional investment can lead to neediness and reduce attraction.
• Enjoy the Dating Process : One must enjoy the process of dating and not view it as a grind. Having fun, especially with friends, can keep the process enjoyable and sustainable over time.
• Persistence Until Closing Time : Success often comes towards the end of the night, so it's important to stay out until closing time. Sticking out the tough, early parts of the evening can turn around into successful interactions.
• Focusing on Personal Growth : The ultimate goal is not just to have sex but to grow as a person, to build confidence and develop social skills. Personal development is more valuable than just fulfilling sexual desire.
• Common Newbie Mistakes : Newbies often make mistakes like not going out enough, blaming others for lack of success, obsessing over looks, doubting the process, not approaching, getting fixated on one girl (oneitis), overloading on theory, making half-hearted approaches, and searching for the perfect pickup line. These obstacles should be recognized and overcome for improvement in dating.
• Congruency in Delivery : Regardless of the verbal content, the congruence of delivery—posture, vocal tonality, eye contact—is key in interactions. Explicit or vulgar lines are generally to be avoided and may result in immediate rejection.
• Common Mistakes in Body Language and Approach : Newbies often display poor body language, vocal tonality, lack of eye contact, and fail to smile. Comfort in conversation and environment, not ejecting early from interactions, and avoiding overly formal or serious tones are crucial.
• Balance of Pull and Push : A mixture of being too nice and too friendly with no push, or being overly needy or thirsty can be detrimental in attraction. Interview-style questions, overt boyfriend framing, and attempting to logically convince her into sex should be avoided.
• Importance of Physical Escalation : Hesitation when making moves conveys a lack of confidence. Physical escalation should be initiated early in the interaction to avoid creeping her out later.
• Raw Sexual Attraction : Men should not hide their raw sexual attraction but let women genuinely feel it, balancing between being genuine and respecting her comfort.
• Avoiding Overly Flashy Behaviors : Being too gamey, clownish, or edgy for the sake of it doesn't constitute the best game. A more chill, authentic approach with occasional edginess is more effective.
• Social Calibration and Closing : Social calibration involves understanding the dynamics of the group situation. The aim should be to close on every hooked interaction to improve the ability to propel an interaction forward.
• Seeking Valid Attraction Advice : Women can provide valuable perspective, but for understanding attraction dynamics at a bar or club, advice from experienced men is more practical.
• Patience and Persistence : Giving up too soon is a common newbie mistake. A commitment to continue beyond a thousand approaches is recommended for better understanding the nuances of game.
• Investment Before Sex : Over-investment in a woman before sex can lead to disappointment. Emotional attachment should be scaled according to the progression of the relationship.
• Avoid Unnecessary Spending : Buying women drinks or gifts isn't required to attract them; attraction should not rely on material interests.
• Sticking Out the Night Until the End : Leaving social events early is a missed opportunity. Perseverance till the end of the night can lead to unexpected successes.
• Transitioning from Game to Relationships : Attracting a girlfriend or wife follows the same attraction principles as one-night stands. Selecting a partner from a position of abundance after sleeping with multiple partners allows for informed choice, avoiding insecurity and incompatibility in long-term relationships.
• Overcoming Inexperience : Gaining sexual experience before settling prevents regrets and ensures genuine attachment to a long-term partner. It creates a firmer foundation for the relationship, satisfying both partners' needs for security and authenticity.
• Developing Game Without Scripts : Leo advocates for learning attraction without relying on routines and scripts due to the dynamic and unpredictable nature of conversations. He encourages developing a state of mind that is conducive to spontaneous and emotionally driven interactions, which come with practice and immersion in social environments.
• Embracing Improvisation : Beginners are encouraged to embrace the challenge of not having predefined plans or conversations when interacting with women. Leo suggests that success in attracting women comes from the willingness to engage spontaneously and develop the ability to navigate conversations on the fly, embracing both successes and failures.
• Strategies for Continuous Conversation : To avoid running out of things to say, Leo recommends being highly observant about the environment and the person you're talking to. Make observations, even if they're not profound, and use them as conversation starters. Making playful assumptions about the other person can also fuel a conversation and invite engagement.
• Avoiding Logical Conversations : Switching from logical to emotional, random, and fun dialogue is essential for attracting women in social settings. Conversations should aim to amuse both parties rather than convey serious or logical content.
• Engaging with Pop Culture and News : Preparing for social interactions by staying informed about current events and pop culture can provide interesting talking points that resonate with others, creating a shared context for discussions.
• Talking About Yourself : Leo suggests sharing personal details, plans, and dreams as topics of conversation. Especially for introverts, this can be a way to connect with others and invite them to learn more about you.
• Improvisation and Free Association : Practicing free association and improv—the ability to connect disparate ideas in the moment—can help maintain a fluid and engaging conversation without the need for pre-planned dialogue.
• Learning from Others : Observing and analyzing people who are effective at having engaging conversations can provide insights into how to maintain dialogue without always having to say something profound or significant.
• Preparing Humorous Responses : Developing a repertoire of amusing and witty responses to common situations encountered during social interactions can keep conversations interesting and demonstrate a sense of humor.
• Utilizing Humor : Leo shares specific lines that can add humor to various scenarios, including playful comments and self-deprecating jokes, to create a fun and relaxed atmosphere during interactions.
• Using Non-sequitur Humor in Conversation : Leo illustrates the use of lines that are nonsensical or illogical to inject humor and provoke an emotional response in the person you are talking to, such as responding with "Don't be racist" to an unrelated comment from a woman.
• Employing Playful Banter to Attract Women : He gives examples of teasing, such as using self-deprecating humor or flipping gender roles with lines like "I'm very gay" or "I feel like you're trying to use me for my body," to create a push-pull dynamic and maintain a playful atmosphere.
• Diffusing Tension and Adding Ambiguity : Leo suggests using lines such as "Can't we all just get along?" during moments of tension among a group or applying playful retorts like "You're so predictable" after common statements to add levity and a sense of charm to the interaction.
• Making Use of Cheeky and Absurd Remarks : To keep interactions from getting too serious and to maintain a fun vibe, Leo provides several 'cheeky' lines such as "How dare you" after mundane revelations or "Just pretend none of this is real" when things escalate physically, to introduce a playful disconnect from reality.
• Personalizing Lines for Humorous Effect : He encourages developing an individual repository of witty remarks based on personal style, and using them sparingly, as a compliment to mainly spontaneous conversation, to spice up interactions and demonstrate a sense of humor.
• Balancing Spontaneity and Technique in 'Game' : Leo stresses the importance of staying primarily spontaneous and authentic in conversation, using pre-thought lines only occasionally to enhance the interaction, avoiding an over-reliance on these lines to prevent coming across as inauthentic.
• Conveying Attraction Through Playful Conversational Tactics : By leveraging humorous lines and cheeky banter, Leo believes it is possible to express attraction while keeping things light-hearted, maintaining a sense of unpredictability that can be appealing within the dynamic of the interaction.
• Ethical Concerns in Game : Leo Gura warns about the potential abuse of the power gained from mastering the art of attraction. The combination of power and sex can distort one's mindset, leading to narcissism and selfish behaviors among those who are successful at attracting women, especially if they lack ethical consideration.
• Misuse of Power and Abundance : As men get more adept at game, they risk becoming cavalier with their power, behaving unethically or irresponsibly. This is akin to wealthy individuals being wasteful while others are in need, and similarly, some men treat women as disposable due to their abundance, undermining empathy and respect.
• True Love Versus Narcissism : Leo stresses the importance of coming from a place of deep love, not narcissism, and being mindful of the women's perspective in dating. It’s about genuinely caring for the woman's well-being rather than treating relationships as conquests to satisfy one's ego.
• Avoiding Detachment from Empathy : As men develop their game, they might be encouraged to shed empathy and compassion, which conflicts with the conventional image of a "beta nice guy." While beneficial to certain extents, a complete detachment can lead to dehumanizing women and viewing them as mere objects to be manipulated.
• Awareness of Pickup's Traps : Leo cautions against becoming jaded, resentful, or bitter through the repetitive process of pickup, which by nature involves copious rejection. He emphasizes maintaining a humanized view of women and avoiding the trap of treating them as mere numbers.
• Trade-offs in Conscious Living and Survival Needs : Leo discusses the challenge of aligning higher consciousness – selflessness and godliness – with survival needs, like sex, which are inherently selfish. While it's not impossible to have consciously aware sex, most men struggling to get laid are more focused on practical techniques, leading to a disconnect between the two aspects.
• Ethical Boundaries in Pickup : Drawing the line between ethical and unethical behavior in dating is challenging. Leo encourages practitioners of game to avoid coercing women for sex, exploiting emotionally vulnerable women, or taking advantage of intoxicated women, and to employ a judicious use of lying, manipulation, and inauthenticity.
• Realistic Expectations in the Pickup Community : When it comes to sexual desires, Leo emphasizes a balanced approach, rejecting the notion that any woman owes a man sex. It's crucial for men to treat women with kindness, respect, and without resorting to offensive or harmful behaviors. He further discourages taking advantage of emotionally vulnerable or too drunk women.
• Consequences of Unethical Practices : Leo reiterates the importance of reducing unethical practices to avoid breaking women's hearts and causing unnecessary emotional damage. He advises against misleading women about intentions and argues against pickup becoming an ideology or identity.
• Respectful Treatment of Relationship Boundaries : Leo dissuades from interfering in existing relationships or marriages and advises against bragging about conquests or engaging in revenge porn. He underscores the importance of treating a woman well and not cheating, being transparent about the nature of the relationship from the beginning.
• Using Game for Positive Outcomes : Leo concludes by recommending the use of game to build deep and meaningful relationships, rather than solely for short-term conquests. He advises using this skillset to find a compatible partner and to facilitate genuine connections, thereby transcending base desires and contributing to personal growth.
• Proper use of game : Finding the right partner requires deeper love, deeper sexuality, and deeper intimacy, which aren't provided by one-night stands. Men should aim beyond the cycle of endless casual encounters to find a more fulfilling relationship.
• The ethics of rotations and harems : Leo points out the ethical issues with maintaining a rotation of multiple sexual partners, as it can involve exploiting and being dishonest to the women involved. He suggests contemplating the ethical implications of such arrangements.
• Exit strategies from the game : Leo advises planning an exit strategy from the pursuit of game to avoid getting stuck in its cycle into later life, suggesting that men work on any traumas, fear of intimacy, or commitment issues they may have for their spiritual and ego development.
• Chasing beyond physical attractiveness : Men should consider lowering their standards for physical attractiveness in favor of better personality traits and compatibility, as chasing after "perfect 10s" can lead to toxicity and drama.
• The trap of stage orange : Leo cautions against getting stuck in stage orange of development, where the endless pursuit of sex governs life choices, hindering growth to higher consciousness activities.
• Sex as a base desire : Leo suggests that while sex is a basic desire necessary for survival, it's important to achieve a balance and not let it dominate one's life. Men should master their survival needs in order to transcend and move on to higher aspirations such as meaningful relationships and personal growth.
• Practical advice on game : Use protection during sex, and always carry two condoms for safety. Keeping a clean and inviting living space, developing personal style through tailored clothes, and creating an engaging lifestyle will make one’s life more appealing to potential partners.
• Cultural awareness and social skills : It's beneficial to be knowledgeable about pop culture as it can help relate to others during the initial stages of interaction and can later pave the way to deeper conversation.
• In-field study for clues on game : Observing others with effective game can provide insights into proper body language, vocal tonality, comfort, and eye contact—key elements beyond just the words used.
• Focus on quality over quantity in approaches : More than the number of approaches, it's the quality and analysis of each interaction that contributes to improving one's game. Understanding what works and what doesn’t is crucial for advancement.
• Taking action : Leo wraps up by emphasizing the need for action, encouraging men to approach for a whole year, work on mindset issues, and revisit the theories discussed throughout the series for continuous improvement.
• Developing a dating strategy : Men need a proactive and concrete strategy to overcome the challenges of not getting laid. Whether it's mastering the game, developing social circle skills, or another method, the issue needs to be addressed head-on.